Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
