You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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