Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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