Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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