im six kinds of drunk right now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
