she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize