Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
