You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
