he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
