My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So vagazzling was a success
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
try to milk me bitch
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