are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
