in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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