all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
