I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Actions speak louder than pants.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
