I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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