Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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