I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
