I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
