She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have aggressive nipples.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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