i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
