i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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