Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
