remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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