YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bring me that man meat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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