Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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