Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Come on in and take your pants off
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