my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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