There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
