Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
