i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
