Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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