remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
