Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
