If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
