Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
