So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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