We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
