listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
