do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need moral support for this bender
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
