We're facebook friends in real life
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
