Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
