my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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