He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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