i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
