well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
