tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
