Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
