in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
