She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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