I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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