I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
