do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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