either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
