I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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